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When my 40th birthday was approaching, I made a list: 41 things to do before I’m 41

Okay, so it’s not the most inspiring or original thing to do. And it was never about a ‘mid life crisis’ as was suggested by a few on Twitter. But I didn’t want to suddenly realise that there were thing out there that I never tried.

I didn’t want to wake up as my children were leaving home and be left bereft.

Without a role.

Without knowing who I was after all this time.

Asking “Who am I?”

I was 22 when I first discovered I was pregnant. Yet I’m still a SAHM as our youngest is 4… That’s 18 years of my life devoted to my children, of CBeebies, Ben 10, standing on the sidelines of a football pitch in all weathers, of parties in sports centres and soft play centres, parents’ evenings and award ceremonies.

And I have loved it all. Every single moment of it has been an absolute joy. I have cried tears and burst with pride at my wonderful children making their amazing mark on the world.

But who am I?

I went to university and studied biology and environmental science – but that isn’t what ‘does it’ for me anymore.

I wanted to move on and become a primary school teacher – but that isn’t viable now as my husband works such long hours and I couldn’t teach all day and then come home and do almost as much work again. My main priority will always be my children.

But who am I?

If I look hard enough, will there be someone who is more than ‘mum’? More than ‘wife’? More than ‘daughter’, ‘sister’, ‘friend’…?

The things I have managed to do from my list are basic things like taking better care of my skin, eating better, starting to exercise again, read more and ultimately write a little.

But the question still remains, who am I…?

 

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